You know, I reckon there are plenty of women out there who could be first class operatives in the murky world of national security, particularly when it comes to interrogation. Take my missus for example. Every time I go out to meet a friend, of the masculine variety God forbid! upon my return, it is: ‘How is he? How is his wife? How are the children? Did they enjoy their holidays? Etc etc Now, sorry to disappoint girls (actually, I’m not) but men’s’ brains just don’t operate along the same lines as women’s. If I started asking a pal all these questions, he’d think I’d lost the plot once and for all. The missus even asks me what I had to eat, what the grub was like and so on. What do I say? ‘Fine. Everybody’s fine’ and then proceed to disappear into my study knowing full well that she is going to seethe with irritation at my total lack of detailed response. Good, isn’t it? You see, we men do have something up of our sleeves after all, when it comes to balancing the scales of female dominion over all things. And do you think the missus is going to let me get away with this? Not likely. Women always have to have the last word, in fact they’ll fight to the death in order to make sure they do. An hour or so later, in she comes full of steam and fury: ‘You’re so rude, do you know that?! I was only being polite!’ The thing is, when men are on their own being polite isn’t an option. It’s usually all about foul mouthed exchanges of insult and how great it is to be away from the diktats of female tyranny! That is men for you.

And another thing, while I am at it. Have you ever done the shopping (I am addressing men here)? You can guarantee when you come back overloaded with shopping bags etc there will be something wrong with the items you have painstakingly gone through the food shelves for   – something like ten things. The coleslaw is not the right one, the skin on the tomatoes is too tough etc etc.

Well, I have already said men can’t get it right, but if this example of female dictatorial nonsense doesn’t apply then I give up!