Remember my cross-dressing dentist in Cardiff, Dafydd ap Islwyn (anyone would think he was Welsh with a name like that)? – and no, he doesn’t do all the dental work at BBC ap Wales -although he is still trying to work out who his old man is, apparently he sure as hell isn’t ‘Islwyn’, which let’s face it, is hardly surprising with a name like that, nearly as bad as mine! Well, I had to go and see him yesterday and do you know, he now has a harem of unshaven houris to keep him company!
When I walked in to the surgery, I was confronted by a troupe of unshaven beauties, ready and willing to scale and polish at will.
None of them were sporting beards you understand, but apparently they had decided en masse, to go au naturel and to hell with men. It was now prickly legs or nowt – one dreads to think what the situation is where their nether regions are concerned, dear dear me. My Parisienne sister informs me, that over there, it’s a Metro ticket or forget it.
Not so in the Dafydd ap Islwyn dental emporium.
Anyway, after he had given me the once over and declared in that wonderful Welshy way of his ‘That all is well, Julian’, he still tried to flog me a pair of backless pants from his Gay Dental Times mag – I mean, not on is it? I had only gone in for a scale and polish after all. Our Dafydd obviously had other things on his mind to ‘scale and polish’, and they weren’t teeth. Filthy devil!
To cap it all, before leaving, the hairy legged girls bought ‘The Bent Brief’ off Amazon – only after I’d told them it was full of sex and debauchery mind you – and quickly tried to sell me some new 50 shades of white lightning stuff for my teeth.
I didn’t dare ask them about the ‘Oral-B’ concoction, I wanted to get out in one piece!
PS They may have hairy legs but do you know, they’re a lovely lot and their smiles always remind me of my youth.
NB I nearly forgot! An insider at Literature Wales ie the Arts Council of Wales, tells me that a Taffy Poet’s Corner is being set up in Cardiff Bay – an opportunity apparently, for all those tax -payer funded Welsh poets to strut their stuff in a new avant garde extravaganza of creativity and lyrical innovation.
I’m told, Carwyn ap Oceaniaogion is leading the way with his new epic, a cross between The Mabinogi and a windier Miller’s Tale.
‘Them thar English bastards!’
It’s up for a Creative Wales Award too – courtesy of the tax-payer of course. Actually, I’m thinking of submitting one of my own books. What do you think? In with a chance?