Urdu Nuptials and Glendower’s Ghost.

This weekend Birmingham and Worcester have been the victims of my latest book signing extravaganza.

Before I go any further Birmingham is old turf, I lived and worked there for a good few years and even picked up a bit of Urdu and Punjabi along the way.

Anyway, I was talking with a Muslim charmer in WHS (with a bit of Urdu thrown in) about her upcoming wedding. £65,000 it was costing and we think the whities are overdoing it!

Now I knew Asian weddings could cost s few bob (the Sikh variety always has a bottle of whisky and Bacardi on every table, that’s why I rarely remember any of them!), but £65,000!

Being the usual miserable Killjoy that I am I said, “Bloody hell, and I suppose you’ve just taken out a whacking great mortgage on the matrimonial nest have you?!’

‘Oh yes,’ came the pretty reply, and she was pretty too believe me, all black eyelash, deep brown eyes and brimming with Turkish Delight – Turkish Delight? She was Pakistani, never mind, literary license and all that nonsenese. Well, there wasn’t much more I could say was there? ‘Multiculturalism’?

When it comes to matrimonial bliss, we’re all just as daft.

Once the ‘nuptials’ as it were had been disposed of, this beauty from One Thousand and One Arabian Nights asked if I spoke any Welsh, she had been to the Gower Peninsula apparently and loved it, thus the interest in my Ragged Cliffs trilogy. ‘Of course I do!’ I replied enthusiastically.

‘But it’s so hard to speak!’ She grinned.

‘No it’s not.’ I gallantly assured. ‘Just add ‘io’ to every English word and you’re there. Parkio, busio, fish and chipsio…..see what I mean?’

She bought all three of the trilogy (WHSmith are doing 3 for 2 on my books for pretty obvious reasons) and went off giggling all the way to her nuptials.



2 thoughts on “Urdu Nuptials and Glendower’s Ghost.

  1. I do find it amusing how serious things can get when the Welsh language comes in to the equation. Being a proud welsh man who can not speak or understand a word of it, I would love nothing more than to order a pint in welsh. But being a towny from Llanelli nobody would understand me. Maybe thats the answer to the binge drinking problem, We’ll employ welsh only speakers at our public houses and sober the buggers up. To be honest most of us are struggling with English which includes me as you probably noticed by now. Truth is I am not worried about the welsh language. What I am worried about is the lack of respect our children have for people, When are people going to realise the drug problem in Llanelli is what we need to talk about. Yes the welsh language is dying but so are our children.
    PS I wonder how the youngsters of today will treat us when we are needy. After watching Panorama this week I felt physically sick. We should all take a look at that and try to figure out where it’s all gone so terribly wrong…………

    • That is exactly the point. The Welsh language is spoken by a small minority of people in Wales (some 20%, with only say 1% being able to actually write it)) and yet it costs the tax payer millions (or billions in the case of S4C). How can this be justified when essential services are being cut. Surely a literate and numerate youth, a wheelchair or ambulance, should be given greater priority than an old fashioned nationalist dream – remember Plaid Cymru was originally all about a totally Welsh speaking Wales, it still is I suspect but political expedience tends to demand a certain passivity on this particular policy no doubt. Of course the Welsh language should be preserved and respected and if people want to speak or write it then all the very best to them, but it should not rule and neither should it bankrupt us.
      English is the first language of Wales NOT Welsh!!!

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